Mom with her first grandchild, Lindsay
Today would have been my mother's birthday, so as a small tribute, I've decided to share a piece I wrote just ten weeks after she passed away. Although it's been eight years now, the article still has practical value in terms of searching the SSDI, and selfishly, I wanted to share at least this small snippet of a remarkable woman. Happy Birthday, Mom.
something today that I’ve been dreading.
I finally got the courage to search for my mother’s name in the Social
Security Death Index (SSDI). And yes,
she’s in there, although she only passed away about ten weeks ago.
still doesn’t truly register. I thought
it would be a few more decades before Mom would appear in this resource that I
use on a daily basis without any thought – without any thought of what it
really means. Each one of those millions
of entries meant the world to someone.
a part of me that’s convinced it’s someone else – especially because her entry
is so full of red herrings. Unless you
actually knew her, her SSDI listing would send you off on a wild goose chase. And for that reason, I thought it might make
a good example of how we sometimes read too much into the details we find in
A Nod Toward Privacy
realize it would make a much clearer example if I were to reproduce my mother’s
SSDI listing here, but a cautionary voice in me hesitates to provide so much
personal detail – especially since I’ll be dissecting it and providing
additional information. So I hope you’ll
forgive me if I do this semi-anonymously.
start with, there’s her name. I wondered
how she would be listed – whether the SSDI would include her under the first
name she never actually used in life.
She was a Joisey girl, but had the Southern habit of going by her
distinctive middle name. Even in her
business life, she used her first initial followed by her middle name. But the SSDI doesn’t know any better, so
she’s listed under a name that I don’t associate with her.
then there’s the matter of her choice in her last name. She was married twice, once to my father and
again, just five years ago. After my
parents divorced several decades ago, she resumed use of her maiden name. And when she remarried, she chose to retain
that name. So in spite of two marriages,
she died with the same name she was born with – not especially common for women
in their 60s, but a sign of things to come.
Residence and Benefit
SSDI listings usually provide a location for last residence and last benefit,
and Mom’s is no exception. We frequently
use this as a proxy for place of death – and in many cases, it’s a good
in this case, these clues are misleading because my mother, like so many these
days, was a snowbird. She passed away in
you’d never know that from her entry. If
you were to try to obtain a copy of her death certificate, her entry would send
you to a different and less genealogy-friendly state, so you’d struggle to even
get a “not found” response.
State of Issue
then there’s the matter of the state of issue.
Even I was surprised at this. I
had expected it to be New Jersey,
the state of her birth and childhood, as well as her on-and-off again residence
over the later years. Instead, it was
state where we had resided for a single year.
come from a military family, so we bounced around a lot. And for whatever reasons, Mom apparently had
not applied for Social Security until she was in her mid-twenties and married
with two kids. I come from a generation
where we applied for Social Security as youngsters, and now, most do it almost
upon birth. But Mom’s generation of
women often waited until their first job.
So good luck to anyone who tried to seek her in the state of issue,
where she hardly lived long enough to leave any trace.
Outwitting the SSDI
give you some sense of my mother, several who knew her best assured me that she
was up there giving St. Peter a hard time.
As one wrote, “She was a powerhouse of a woman. The world is
unquestionably a better place for her saunter across the stage. I’ll bet
she’s even now demanding to see someone in charge and wondering aloud
why this heaven place is not any better organized than it is, after all this
was her own woman, and in sense, she managed to outwit even the SSDI. The portrait it provides is seemingly another
woman – and oddly, I find that comforting.
I’m glad she’s almost hidden from view -- but just maybe, someone you’re
seeking is, too, and you’re not so happy about that. I hope this little piece will spark some thoughts
to help you unearth that clever relative of yours who also managed to confound
the SSDI. Mom would like that.